dancerellax

Oh my goodness, going back to school after like two weeks of staying up late, not even going to sleep sometimes, its a killer man! Not to mention they had to heat up the school, which takes about like acouple days so I was freezing cold! Oh my goodness,  I think I was going to die, and now I'm so tired.

I've been like yawing all day and its like GAH, I really wish winter break didn't end so quickly, it just whished past me. Oh my oh my, anywhooo atleast I don't have much homework, if I did then I would have been like djfklasflasdf. School is a bummer, period.

As I look upon the year 2008, as the year 2009 whizzes by me, I think "Wow that was one heck of a year". So much drama, joy, happiness, sadness as well as oppurtunities happened, and its so unbelieveable that it all actually happened in this one year. Its kind of unbelieveable how fast the year went by, how quickly it became 2009. I really don't think any other year in my life has been this memorable to me, I mean so much happened this year its kind of unbelieveable. I bet if I told acouple people what went on, they wouldn't believe me at all, but then again why would I tell anybody.

But I'm glad that 2008 is finally over and 2009 is here, so that we can make new beginings and have a clean slate. I feel like thats what we need, not just in my own personal life, but just everything thats going on in the world. The one thing that we need, is definetly a clean slate, so we can forget about the past and start a new future for the better.

I feel like no matter what I do, what I say it never seems to be right. I'm never pretty enough or skinny enough or happy enough or maybe even smart enough for a guy. I'm not the most perfect person ever so that means I'm rejected by the cute guys and thrown into the creepy guy zone. It makes me feel pathetic. No matter what I do or what I saw its never right, and I'm just not accepted by guys. I'm not as pretty as the girls or as skinny as them, but I sitll am fun. But they don't care about that, there all shallow little boys that only care about the image. They can 't just have the average girl, they have to have the hot girl, the girl that every guy wants. They don't want some regular size girl they have to have the super skinny girl that looks like shes a stick. Nope all the other girls don't matter once the pretty girls enter the room.

Ugh and Jake, oh Jake. Why are you so hard to read. Everything you do and say it makes it seem like you like me, but I don't even know anymore. You never do anything more than just talk me alot thouhg, so do you just want to be friends or something? I mean I don't want to like you if you don't like me back, I don't want to waste my time. I've already wasted enough time. I waited for you to like me, ever since the day that we became close. Even when you got mad at me, remeber those times? Yeah I still waited then too, I waited and waited and waited, but it seems like thats not enough. Am I not pretty enough? Am I not skinny or fun or bubly enough? If I'm not then tell me now, don't make me waste my time. That'll only make me hate youmore afterwards.

This thanksgiving break wasn't as pleasant as I thought it would be. I pictured myself eating a little family dinner with my aunt's family unit, but instead I was forcefully dragged back home to spend time with my HUGE family there. I mean theres nothing wrong with my family it was just that some people that I don't like so much came, and by that I mean my brothers friends. Usually I'm fine with my brothers friends, I mean I hang out with them too, but this one guy that came it was just... lkdjfadskfjsdfas.

And ofcourse the adults make all the teenagers go down to the basement so there not a 'bother' which is code word for, lets get drunk. I don't mind being in the basement or anything, I had my laptop, but the thing is the guy was right there. He gave me death glares and said all these things about me to his twin brother and my brothers, it was just annoying. Its not like I did anything to him either, infact hes the one that did stuff to me. Hes the one that broke my heart. Acouple months back when I first met him we were really good friends, but then I started to like him and then fall in love with him. I had told him that I liked him alot and he told me that he liked me back, but then one day he just breaks my heart by getting a girlfriend. She wasn't bitchy or anything either, she was actually perfect, but he ditched me for her even though he liked me, that just like dkjfalsdfsdf broke my heart. Not to mention he kept on getting girls and rubbing it in my face. So I had no clue why he kept on looking at me the way he did yesterday.

It didn't stop there either, during dinner he looked at my weird, and acouple days ago from my friend had called him. Heres how the conversation went. (Kyler will be the guy that gave me weird looks and Tristan will be my friend that called him)
Tristan: Hey your Lola's friend right?
Kyler: Who the hell is Lola
Tristan: You know your best friend from [insert old state I used to live in here]
Kyler: I don't have a best friend name Lola [hangs up]

That just pissed me off more. Well anyways I hope you guys have a nice weekend off and get good deals for black friday :] I'll try to update more I guess.

Walking into this camp this past week, I just thought it would be another camp expirence, meet some people, yada yada yada. As the week went on I've gotten closer to fellow campers and councelers, and learned to love just love camp. But once it was time to leave, it hit me. These people here at camp, they had such a huge impact on me during this week. I have learned many things from them as well as gained alot memories that I will surely never forget. I made friends that will last a life time and developed crushes that you can't get find anywhere else. The friendships that I already had with people just grew stronger, and it just made it that much harder to leave. 

But as we took our last group pictures and said our last goodbyes until the next year to come, I couldn't help but to cry. And it wasn't just the little crying moments you get when your watching The notebook, it was full on crying. It wasn't because I would never see them again, because surely I'll see them next summer. But leaving camp and the friends at camp, it just left a big hole in my heart. They were my peanut butter to my jelly and my butter to my popcorn, they just completed my life, which I didn't realize til I was leaving. I've never really noticed I was missing something in my life until I was leaving, but I just knew that completeled me. 

One the way back home with three of my friends that had came with me to camp, it made it much worse. We discussed all the good times and laughs we shared there. We looked at pictures that we had taken and just shared alot of things about camp and it made me cry more. I wouldn't be able to see these camp friends for a whole year, and sure there is such thing as texting and im and what not, but its just not the same as seeing them in person. And it wasn't like they live near by either, so it was soo hard. 

But even though it was my first year at camp, it felt I'd been there for years. And I just know that this year at camp was the best year, not just for me but for everybody. Sure there were bad moments, but overall the laughs and good memories that we shared just overruled it by so much. I just hope that next year lives up to it, and I surely will return next year in a heart beat.

When I woke up this morning I did not expect a single thing that had occured today. I just thought wow I'm just going to be chilling with friends but thats all, I did not expect this full blown party that they have been planning for quite some time now. It was pretty much amazing, and I truly appreciate my friends for doing this for me. Sure I got caked a couple times, and I had recieved many painful birthday punches, but its all worth it you know.

My friend Jane made this lovely cake too, it was a dinosaur shape one and ohmygawsh its soo cute!

What do you think?


Not to mention I got a bunch of free slurpees, that made me goo soo hyper. Oh man I couldn't have asked for a better day. Defiently better than my birthday last year, way better.
 

Honestly I dont think its fair that there are many people out there that are capable of driving and getting a job, yet they sit at home and do nothing, when I'm stuck at home or at a friends house, broke with no job. How is that fair at all? I want to work so badly and get some money yah know. Not just because I like to shop, but because I have so many things I could be doing with money in my pocket. I have many ideas in my head that should be out there, but because of my age its all stuck in my head.

If I was able to drive, I'd be out there with a job. No matter how hard it is, I would do my best at it and earn the most I can. Then once I get enough money I would be making stuffed animals, as well as my own clothing and accesories. Once all that is done I would already have an up and running website filled my wonderful creations. That is my probably how I'm going to spend my free time once I hit the age  of 17. But no I'm only 14 years old, almost 15 not able to drive, stuck at home or at a friends house doing nothing.

For all you people out there able to drive, atleast make do with yourself and go out there and get a job. So then atleast it will be more fair. If not, honestly your all bums then. This generation is honestly full of lazy people, I myself am lazy too, but atleast I know what I'm gonna do if my life. Driving is the only thing holding me back. I'm only lazy because I can't drive. I would walk but I can't, there are no stores near by to work at. So yeah.... 

Excitement, the usual feeling when your birthday is coming around. Excitement for the presents, for the friends and for just the celebration. But why is it that when my birthday comes around no spark of excitement comes to me. No joy for my birthday, happiness. Well actually I guess I am happy that my birthday is coming around but I'm not excited at all. Maybe its the fact that I'm not turning 16 or 18 or 21, the big ages that people look foward too. I'm just turning 15 years old. 

It could also be the fact that most of my friends are away on vactiion or camp or whatever and I'm here at home left with acouple of friends. And the friends that are home too they either forgotten about my birthday or just didn't do anything about it, which is very upsetting. As friends aren't you supposed to do something special for your friends birthday? Treat them to something, or whatever.

Whatever I mean if they dont want to do soemthing for my birthday when I did so many things for them its fine. I went around stressing myself out for them, I went around planning every little thing or making something extravgant for them. But I mean if thats there style of being a friend its fine. I mean I guess I'm the caring and thoughtful one of the bunch so its fine you know.

But I guess this is just my venting you know. Whatever my birthdays in 4 days, July 11th. I'm going to 7-11 for a free slushing and thats pretty much all my plans for my birthday. Unless someone actually does something for me, which probably wont happen but yeah. If it actually does happen, then that will be one shocker eh?

So I did have internet last week but I just didn't have time to update let alone go online because of summer break so I'm really sorry. So let me fill you in on the latest gossip.. just kidding xD Well anywhoo so last week was my last week of school meaning finals and promotion. Finals were easy and hopefully they brought up my grade and then promotion was fun. We're only graduating from 9th grade but they made this huge deal out of it, yeah i know LAME!
So this movie right <------- yeah that movie is pretty much amazing. I was stuck at home yesterday and it was on lifetime and I was just hooked. So next time you have time at home go look for it in blockbuster and watch it! And grant is sooo cute in that movie :]

Ok one last thing before I head off to Michaels to get some things to entertain me today :] Well theres this one guy that is just soo cute, hes one my many obessions. His name is Alex Pettyfer and isn't he just adorable? Tell me your thoughts if anybody reads these xD

Just a quick update for now since I'm on my cousins laptop and I have to be quick and all. I just moved last sunday and I wont have internet in my room til next week on Wednesday I'm pretty sure. So yeah... formal was fun and tomorrows my class trip, fun fun :] Well anywhoo until next time. ADIOS!  

So today was formal for me and it was the best dance ever. Everybody was like dirty dancing and everything and they all got away with it. Probably because all the chaperones were outside near the food stuff and all, so that was pretty sweet. Oh my, my ass hurts haha so does my legs and boobs. Oh my oh my fun fun funn night though :] My dress was soo adorable too! Mcdonalads afterwards too xD

So its offical I'm moving, I'm moving not to far from my current location but yeah. I'm pretty excited actually, I mean I'm not excited about leaving my friends and all but I like the excitement of moving, its just soo fun too. I love to pack things together and I like the idea of having hot twin neighbors you know? Hahaaaa yup I'm gonna be having hot twin neighbors oh yeahhh :D

Well I'm tiredd so I'll update when I cann. Church Revival and Coffee house is tomorrow!

So I just had very yummmy chinese food, yup a bunch of fried rice :] I've been craving it all week. But on little problem, my tummy hurts. Lol but anywho other than that I'm doing pretty fantastic, especally since the weather is soo great. ESPECALLY during the memorial day weekend. And I was a smart little cookie for wearing sunblock, yay me! :] I was litterally outside all day yesterday no joke. I was at a picnic and I was playing volley ball and baseball and all different types of stuff. So many bruises and I'm soo sore from it, but it was soo definetly worth it :]

Gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh tomorrow I'm getting my formal dress I'm soo excited you don't even know! Formal is in exactly 3 days! 3 FLIPPING DAYS! And I'm excited since my friend is lending me her straightener that can do extraordinary things. I mean mine is pretty great too, but hers can curl hair and straight and do all sorts of stuff without damaging your hair, its called ceramic! :] Hahahaaa amazing right?

I didn't move yet but I'm moving this coming weekend I'm pretty sure, thats what my mom said atleast. And yup its offical my mom and I are no longer fighting anymore. Miracle huh? Yup I know. Now we're going shopping and shes getting me clothes like ALOT plus the formal dress and swim suit soo excited. Speaking of swimming Mermaid Lake trip is in a week soo syked fer that too :]

Dude I'm soo excited for the weekend, sure I dont have any offical plans but its going to be sooo nice out! And this weekend I might be moving, gahh I'm not even sure anymore since my mom is still pissed at me I think. But yeahh, so if I do end up moving then that means no updates until I get my computer all set up, but its not like its going to make a difference since nobody reads these xD Anywhoo.. yesterday was SEASON FINALE OF GREYS  ANATOMY! GAHHHH I LOVED THAT SHOWWWWW!!!! The two cancer couples were soo cute, but too bad I couldn't see the whole episode. Fill me in? :] Also SEASON PREIMERE OF SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE LAST NIGHT! WOOOO Bring on the beastly skilled dancers! >:D
 
Patrick Dempsey= sexy beast :] (P.s I did not make that graphic!)

Well I'm off to enough the hot weather and I'm taking it all in before it gets cold again xD

DAVID COOK! Gahhh hes the new American Idol ladys and gents! How exciting is that? I soooo knew he was going to be it too! I even made a bet with my two friends at school. My friend Susan and I said Cook would win, Ashley and Dean said that Archuleta would win. Well guess who owes 6 dollars, ASHLEY AND DEAN! What now! Hahaha nah I'm just kidding well not really but yeah :D So exciting I can't wait til David makes his album I'm sooo buying it. OH YEAH! Tomorrow is a brand spanking new season of SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE. Best show on the face of this earth :] Haha also that is the place were I'm going in 2 or 3 years to auditioin for. So try to look for me then xD Anywhooo gahh. Formal is in acouple days AHHH!!! I had a few dresses in mind what do you think?



Gahhh its soo hard to choose, don't cha think? There all soo cutee! Anywhoo I have all weekend to figure that out. AHHH! Only one more week til formal. 3 til the summer! YIPPEE :]




Once again, CONGRATS TO DAVID COOK THIS SEASONS AMERICAN IDOL!! WOOO :] Hes soo sexy in that picture too! xD

Gah so I just got done painting my art show painting thing. Honestly to me it looks pretty crappy considering I really rushed on it and everything. AHH I got paint in my hair! Its white too which makes it even worse -.- Funish day today. Morning started off like usual afternoon I got stuck on my bus for half and hour because the bus blinkers weren't working WOO! just kidding. Then I got my dance recital costumes! YAYYYY :] So excited for my dance recital gahhh and then 15 or less days til school is over for me. YIPEEE. I'm soo excited for summer you don't even know xD

  
Yeah I know the feet are messed up looking, I realized that haha. And there are like random white spots when I post this. But its really not there on the actual painting. Hideous? Yeah I know.

So I was watching youtube videos and I stumbled upon a video by the hoiitsroii production things and they were lip singing like usual. But not to just any song! It was the yo gabba gabba song, theres a party in my tummy :]
 
I just thought it was hilarous! :] Gahh can't wait fer tonight. NEW EPISODE OF GREEK! :] So syked :D

Cappie and Evan are soo hot! But you gotta admit, Cappie is soo much sexier :] And that whole Spitter and that smart girl thing together. I SOO CALLED THAT! I mean come on soo predicable. But I hope Cassie and Cappie get together, there soo ment to be!

Its 10 36 pm here and I'm soo tired! Hard to believe right? Usually I'm up at like 2 in the morning still hyper as ever, but I guess since its a Sunday I'm soo tired. Blehhh. So anyways I'm getting over my cold, YESS! It was nice and all to be all sick and getting special treatment from teachers and all but when your sick your sick. I hate feeling like crap and my nose being all stuffy and not being able to breathe through my nose, so now I'm happy that its gone, or atleast almost gone :] Bleh but I feel like I'm still going blind. I wake up every morning no being able to see one thing, the light could be one but I still wouldn't be able to see anything. Zero, zilch, nada. And because of this I didn't go to school on friday, plus I felt like crap from being sick and all. But my mom gets pissed, and she gets even more pissed when I decide I want to see my friends. Oh my her head like explodes on friday it was crazy. But anywhoo new subject.

So my camera broke like forevers ago and I've never gotten a new camera since because I just haven't been able to I guess, and I've been using my sidekick camera fer the whole time. Which sucks really badly, especally in the dark. But I really need a camera right about now because I just hate using my crappy sidekick camera and all. So I was looking at Bestbuy.com for cameras right about now and I'm stumped about which camera I should get. Like maybe I should get a small portable camera or one of those big photography cameras. I mean I want to get into photography and it would be nice to have one of those big cameras, which evenutally will need in 10grade when I do take photography class. But for now it would be nice to practice with them.

The small cameras however are small and light so I can carry it around every were and take pictures of me and my friends and everything. And sure I could always take pictures for photography with that camera, but I dunno. And ofcourse the photography camera is gonna be more expensiver but wouldn't it be more worth? I dunno.


Well I'm off to bed or take a shower or whatever I do haha.
Peaceee!